My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
