The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
