Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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