Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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