My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
