dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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