Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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