So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
