she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
