so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
