I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
