Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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