if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
