it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
