worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
