If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
not ubering you a puppy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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