THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
