just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
