you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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