he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
