I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
