What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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