Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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