I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
