cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize