i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just tell him i said nine months
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
