Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
