my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
