p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize