just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
