I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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