come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
