how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
