I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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