I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
