some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
