Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
