Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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