Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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