Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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