you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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