Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just pee around me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
