i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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