i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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