I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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