I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
