is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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