Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
