I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize