Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
