new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dicks are not precious.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
