What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They took my balls.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
