Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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