these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
