I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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