I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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