She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i've created a new STD.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
