Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
