the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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