dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
