Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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