If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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