Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
