she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
