It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
