If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
