Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
